Three Quarters Crazy

Just back from visiting my friend Dee (see earlier posts) and her new boyfriend (well, I say "new", they've been going out for about 18 months, she's 7 months pregnant and they're moving in together shortly).

I wasn't sure how I would feel about this but I've met her boyfriends before so I didn't think it would be catastrophic - and indeed it was OK. He's rather good looking, intelligent, seemingly very nice, and significantly younger than her (which is what she seems to like).

But last night I had troubling dreams of loss and regret, I think. I feel a bit out of sorts today too. Maybe it's just a hangover from the single malt I indulged in before bed, but I really want to be asleep again and not have to put up with consciousness for a bit. Only 1-2 on a melancholia scale of 10 I think. I've had a lot of time to get used to the idea that Dee is not for me I guess. About 18 years probably...

Indira news - last Friday (6 Jan) she came to my desk and we had a long chat - she said I hadn't told her much about myself and I pointed out that I had in fact told her some fairly substantial things, but as she wanted further details I would see what I could do. Important not to spill all the beans at once and destroy one's mystery, I suggested. We had a talk about exercise and I suggested I could cycle over to her house before work and act as her personal trainer - take her running round the park. from this we went on to Bim's London Marathon run and how getting fit had improved his figure and landed him a new toyboy. She then suggested something sotto voce about how this would maybe work for me also and perhaps hinted at her own involvement - I didn't quite catch this so "what was that?" I asked and she wouldn't say. Hm - what a minx she is.

Anyway, research reveals an e-mail from Padraig that same day telling her he was off to Ireland for a week. Connection? Who knows...?

Then last Thursday she suggested next Friday (20 Jan) for lunch, which I accepted. So that's where we are presently. I shall try and revisit the exercise scenario and tell her I'd like to see her work up a bit of a sweat, also suggest that if I'm going to tell her a secret (I'll give her a choice between sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, politics, criminality or public sector housing I think) then she should tell me one. And then there's the matter of the postponed Xmas kiss, which I might mention if the occasion merits along with the delayed kiss for my birthday, her birthday, in celebration of her getting the new job, etc. "Shall I get the key to the stationery cupboard or would you prefer somewhere even more romantic?" I could essay.

Or not, as the case may be.

This blog has proved sadly reductionist I must say; at least there was a little bit of social comment at the start but it's morphed into a diary of romantic (or sexual) obsession and nothing else. Perhaps I'll try and retrieve the situation but I haven't the energy right now - and it's bedtime.

(Mrs K's sister agreed to visit me for lunch next week also but I know she won't turn up...)

...and the rest

Well, first of all I felt kind of guilty about this - or sleazy at any rate, but a few weeks back when Indy was out of the office I nobbled her computer so that I could access her e-mail inbox from my PC. Today I finally got round to taking advantage of this in an organised way, and I discovered that she's been flirting with yet another member of the technical team, in this case Padraig, starting I think back in early 2004.

Some banter about massages - she tried that same tack with me early on but I felt it best not to offer my services in an e-mail - lunch invitations and then in Sept this year a suggestion of a Bollywood movie or a picnic on Hampstead Heath "before the weather turns". Hmmmm.

I think this has actually rekindled something in me, a definite warm feeling where just this morning I was feeling cold and dead. I suppose the worst case scenario was that she was having an exclusive affair with Bob, and now I have to rethink that. It's not entirely clear what's been going on - there's nothing graphic, so it may well be just the same sort of mildly flirtatious friendship that I have with her. Not sure.

Also an e-mail from Bob himself, some time before his departure, asking "how soon is "soon"?", eliciting the reply "before very long" and finishing with him suggesting lunch "in the meantime". And something post-departure from Esther, one of the repairs caller centre people, saying that a mutual friend had been in touch and sent his best wishes. Esther seemed to be on rather good terms with her, actually.

In any event, she clearly has an even busier social life than I might have envisaged, even if I don't know quite what's involved in it. Perhaps she just likes attention? Perhaps once we're not working together a door will open. Who knows? Who cares?

Anyway, I sent her an e-mail welcoming her back to work and suggesting lunch some time soon, which she said would be "wonderful", so that all seems to be going OK. Her home life seems a little fraught though, still, one daughter still has this foot episode underway and another is ill. With four kids one of them's always going to have a problem at any given moment I guess.