Forensics
It's a funny thing about getting older. You still have the same feelings, but they're kind of muted. In my 20's this infatuation would probably have brought me to a condition of utter despair, whereas these days I can take a more detached view. Not that I couldn't always be ironically amused by my own feelings, but it's the difference between watching someone get battered by waves and seeing them entirely swept away. Of course, already having a stable relationship elsewhere probably helps a great deal. Who knows what sorry state I'd be in if I was single?
Still whiling away the time, I'll just note down the external evidence I've gathered as opposed to the internal.
Perhaps 18 months back I saw her deep in conversation with a colleague, Ted, on the office stairs. I immediately had an intuition that there was something intimate going on and they'd gone out there to look for some privacy. (Incidentally, I found out just before Xmas that Ted's wife has recently left him) Then after our second lunch date I had a look at her online diary and found she'd been having lunch every few weeks with the Technical Manager, Bob. I have a feeling based on some years of observation that Bob is something of a ladies' man, and I suspect that lunch with him would be a prelude to something else. I checked his online diary and found the entry "Lunch with Indira - how about that!" which made me smile. Then there was the rather polished way she arranged to meet outside, and returned to the office through a separate door, the first time we went out for lunch. "She's done this before", I thought.
So I'm expecting any relationship which might develop to be considerably more important to me than it is to her. I can do that. I've had a certain amount of prior experience after all. Just so long as I know where I am it will be OK. Trouble only tends to arise when you think you're in one sort of relationship and it turns out to be another.
Having said all that, I'm finding it very hard to stop thinking about her, and this is probably best avoided. I can be distracted as long as I'm doing something involving, watching TV or whatever, but any time I'm in repose my thoughts turn back to her in a fashion which is very nearly obsessive. Perhaps I should take Madame's sister out to the opera again after all, to try and diffuse my interest a bit. If she'll come.
Back in the real world, it's Saturday, I'm about to start the final coat of paint on the spare room floor, after which I need to paint the skirting, the window frames, clean the walls of the smudges the heating installers made on them and then start moving my possessions from what will be my room into the spare room so that I can decorate my room.
I went to the National Film Theatre to see "Harry and Tonto" this week - a 70's film by Paul Mazursky about an old man and his cat travelling across the USA, with gentle shades of the Odyssey and King Lear. This was a real treat, relaxed, funny, and sentimental in a good way. The kind of film that Hollywood used to do so well before it got seduced into accountant-driven simple-minded blockbusters. The NFT is running a two month season of films from this period. While it's tempting to go and see "Taxi Driver" again for the umpteenth time, it's probably more interesting to explore films I've never seen before.
Still whiling away the time, I'll just note down the external evidence I've gathered as opposed to the internal.
Perhaps 18 months back I saw her deep in conversation with a colleague, Ted, on the office stairs. I immediately had an intuition that there was something intimate going on and they'd gone out there to look for some privacy. (Incidentally, I found out just before Xmas that Ted's wife has recently left him) Then after our second lunch date I had a look at her online diary and found she'd been having lunch every few weeks with the Technical Manager, Bob. I have a feeling based on some years of observation that Bob is something of a ladies' man, and I suspect that lunch with him would be a prelude to something else. I checked his online diary and found the entry "Lunch with Indira - how about that!" which made me smile. Then there was the rather polished way she arranged to meet outside, and returned to the office through a separate door, the first time we went out for lunch. "She's done this before", I thought.
So I'm expecting any relationship which might develop to be considerably more important to me than it is to her. I can do that. I've had a certain amount of prior experience after all. Just so long as I know where I am it will be OK. Trouble only tends to arise when you think you're in one sort of relationship and it turns out to be another.
Having said all that, I'm finding it very hard to stop thinking about her, and this is probably best avoided. I can be distracted as long as I'm doing something involving, watching TV or whatever, but any time I'm in repose my thoughts turn back to her in a fashion which is very nearly obsessive. Perhaps I should take Madame's sister out to the opera again after all, to try and diffuse my interest a bit. If she'll come.
Back in the real world, it's Saturday, I'm about to start the final coat of paint on the spare room floor, after which I need to paint the skirting, the window frames, clean the walls of the smudges the heating installers made on them and then start moving my possessions from what will be my room into the spare room so that I can decorate my room.
I went to the National Film Theatre to see "Harry and Tonto" this week - a 70's film by Paul Mazursky about an old man and his cat travelling across the USA, with gentle shades of the Odyssey and King Lear. This was a real treat, relaxed, funny, and sentimental in a good way. The kind of film that Hollywood used to do so well before it got seduced into accountant-driven simple-minded blockbusters. The NFT is running a two month season of films from this period. While it's tempting to go and see "Taxi Driver" again for the umpteenth time, it's probably more interesting to explore films I've never seen before.
posted by Lost Tango at 1:24 PM
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