Exit, pursued by a bear
Hmm. I did ask her about her preoccupation this week. She told me that it was about things at home. "It's not looking good", she said. I had the sudden urge to know a lot more about this, but as we only had a couple of minutes before starting work Thursday there wasn't really time. Is it an infidelity thing or just the usual problems with the in-laws? The idea that she might get divorced fills me with dismay for some reason - perhaps because I think it would mean she has someone else to go to. Whereas at present I still have this sweet little fantasy of us getting together in the afternoons for discreet extra-marital encounters; try as I might to put the idea out of my mind.
Anyway, we are going to see The Winter's Tale on Tuesday; it's all confirmed and I've booked the tickets. I've also got tickets to see art-chic New York band Yo La Tengo the same evening - she won't be able to come to that, so it provides a useful end-point to our afternoon and precludes any notion (and consequent disappointment) I might have about retiring to my flat afterwards. Although it does enable me to say "I would invite you to come and look at my flat but..." which is quite a good combination of come-on and put-off.
The first thing I said to her was "how is your project going?" which caused her to look rather shifty and alarmed. I explained I meant her fast. What other projects did she have on the go? well, never mind....
I have to report a ludicrous outbreak of jealousy (or rather envy since you can only be jealous of things you actually possess). I find myself wanting to follow her at lunchtime to see who she's meeting; Friday she had the day off and I immediately assumed she'd arranged to spend the day with Bob as I have guessed she did on the 15th. And maybe it's so, and believe me I know full well that it's none of my business, but there it is, you can't control your desires and feelings, even if you don't act on them or even take them seriously. I've even toyed with the idea of going to look at her house (from the street only of course). I am a bit intimidated by the idea that she has a large house in suburbia and a wealthy husband, I also need somewhat shamefacedly to report.
So what's my plan for Tuesday? I'll try and get her to be a bit more forthcoming about what she's up to in her personal life and what's going on at home. I might also try and discuss polyamoury in approving, free-sprited, man-of-the-world terms, if I can work it into the conversation. Regarding anything else, I'll follow her lead - if she looks as though she wants me to ask personal questions, touch her or discuss our relationship I will, but otherwise I'll just be friendly - also less stressful for me as it takes the pressure off. In a way it's a shame we're going to the theatre as valuable conversation time will be taken up with listening to actors, but on the other hand hopefully she will really enjoy the Globe experience - being associated in someone's mind with enjoyable activities has to be a good thing...
What I do intend to say is that I feel I've rather dragged her into the Globe trip, and that the next outing should be entirely up to her, both in date, duration and activity. I might then be plunged into a further agony of waiting, but at least I shall be sure next time that she really does want to spend time with me and isn't just being polite. Although there are a couple of films I'd really like to take her to coming up next month - "Belle de Jour" and "Aguirre the Wrath of God", as well as a noted Bollywood actor being interviewed at the NFT...
I've also told her that I've come up with some outrageous ideas for future outings (the O-word was hers) so now I have to tell her what these are. Actually I do have some non-sexual ones, chief among which is a day-trip to Venice by low-cost airline, but I felt it was good to leave her to imagine for a while. Perhaps I should ask her to guess what I have in mind...
Meanwhile Mrs K and I are going to the Ealing Mela on Sunday, a large Asian cultural festival organised by Bim's brother. Indira might well be going to this with her family - interesting if we meet...
Anyway, we are going to see The Winter's Tale on Tuesday; it's all confirmed and I've booked the tickets. I've also got tickets to see art-chic New York band Yo La Tengo the same evening - she won't be able to come to that, so it provides a useful end-point to our afternoon and precludes any notion (and consequent disappointment) I might have about retiring to my flat afterwards. Although it does enable me to say "I would invite you to come and look at my flat but..." which is quite a good combination of come-on and put-off.
The first thing I said to her was "how is your project going?" which caused her to look rather shifty and alarmed. I explained I meant her fast. What other projects did she have on the go? well, never mind....
I have to report a ludicrous outbreak of jealousy (or rather envy since you can only be jealous of things you actually possess). I find myself wanting to follow her at lunchtime to see who she's meeting; Friday she had the day off and I immediately assumed she'd arranged to spend the day with Bob as I have guessed she did on the 15th. And maybe it's so, and believe me I know full well that it's none of my business, but there it is, you can't control your desires and feelings, even if you don't act on them or even take them seriously. I've even toyed with the idea of going to look at her house (from the street only of course). I am a bit intimidated by the idea that she has a large house in suburbia and a wealthy husband, I also need somewhat shamefacedly to report.
So what's my plan for Tuesday? I'll try and get her to be a bit more forthcoming about what she's up to in her personal life and what's going on at home. I might also try and discuss polyamoury in approving, free-sprited, man-of-the-world terms, if I can work it into the conversation. Regarding anything else, I'll follow her lead - if she looks as though she wants me to ask personal questions, touch her or discuss our relationship I will, but otherwise I'll just be friendly - also less stressful for me as it takes the pressure off. In a way it's a shame we're going to the theatre as valuable conversation time will be taken up with listening to actors, but on the other hand hopefully she will really enjoy the Globe experience - being associated in someone's mind with enjoyable activities has to be a good thing...
What I do intend to say is that I feel I've rather dragged her into the Globe trip, and that the next outing should be entirely up to her, both in date, duration and activity. I might then be plunged into a further agony of waiting, but at least I shall be sure next time that she really does want to spend time with me and isn't just being polite. Although there are a couple of films I'd really like to take her to coming up next month - "Belle de Jour" and "Aguirre the Wrath of God", as well as a noted Bollywood actor being interviewed at the NFT...
I've also told her that I've come up with some outrageous ideas for future outings (the O-word was hers) so now I have to tell her what these are. Actually I do have some non-sexual ones, chief among which is a day-trip to Venice by low-cost airline, but I felt it was good to leave her to imagine for a while. Perhaps I should ask her to guess what I have in mind...
Meanwhile Mrs K and I are going to the Ealing Mela on Sunday, a large Asian cultural festival organised by Bim's brother. Indira might well be going to this with her family - interesting if we meet...
posted by Lost Tango at 11:23 AM
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